This article and podcast episode contain language not suitable for all audiences. Parental discretion is advised. AKA Heads up. The word “fuck” is said, A LOT both in this article and in this podcast.
I originally created this podcast episode to get to the bottom of excuses. Our “reasons” for not doing something or doing something. They are usually based, in part at least, on bullshit. As a Lifestyle Designer, I have legitimately seen it and heard it all. You have gotten to this point in your life by the decisions you make, the things you have chosen to do or not to do. If you are unsatisfied with your present situation then please know that you have the power to change it.
We, as a people, are generally always striving to please everyone and receive acceptance from everyone which most of us know, is impossible. So why do we still do it? A lot of it comes from our cultural and societal norms ingrained in us since before we were born. We have modeled ourselves predominantly after whatever our parents taught us we should strive to emulate. This could be that the wife stays home, takes care of the kids, cooks all of the meals, and provides structure for the family while the husband goes out and works to provide for the family. Most of us are aware that these strict gender roles cannot survive in all the types of relationships we see today. Transgender relationships, homosexual relationships, etc. cannot function based on these same societal norms.
I majored in Anthropology and Archaeology and one of the fascinating things I learned about in college was the idea of the cultural lens. It requires that you step out of your own life and look into other cultures with a new lens. Attempting to see the culture without trying to compare it to the culture you are most familiar with. Learning this became a coping mechanism when I was placed into a new and uncomfortable situation. In fact, it’s how I have gotten through many of the most difficult situations in my life. I have come to look at situations from the perspectives of others rather than how the situations affect me. By doing this, I have learned more and grown more as a person.
Another phenomenon is our core beliefs that we have gained by watching and learning from our parents. If you are hesitant to receive gifts from people new in your life and compliments from strangers actually make you suspicious of them, then you may be formulating this belief based off the time your parents told you not to take candy from strangers. The same goes for trauma. Maybe you acted out once as a kid and your dad slapped you across the face so now you’re dating someone and they got mad and slapped you across the face. This type of trauma can be even more traumatizing because of that experience you had from your youth which could lead to an overreaction on your part.
The point is our lives are based on these core values and beliefs that a lot of times we don’t even know we have. You may not have realized that your dad slapping you as a child traumatized you until you got older and had another loved one assault you. We all have inherent beliefs we carry around like baggage but we have no security system to scan the baggage through and see what’s in them and dissect them. We just take on more baggage and expect ourselves to be able to continue carrying the load without it affecting us and our futures. When you’re growing up, you just accept what your parents and elders tell you as facts. We accepted it as law of the land and placed it in our memory bank as fact and never brought it back out to question it. It’s time to do that now.
What truths are you holding on a pedestal that may not even be a fact?
Learning what our own true beliefs are is a core process in learning to love ourselves. We can’t go into a relationship expecting the other person to love us the way we want to be loved when we don’t even know what way that is because we don’t love ourselves. The Five Love Languages is a book that can really open your mind to what loving yourself and others should look like. It’s a deep process that requires a lot of thoughtful mindfulness. You may have grown up seeing your parents failed relationships and assumed that all relationships ended in failure so if you never tried to have a real relationship with anyone you would never experience real loss. But out of that, comes the fact that you will never experience true love either because not every relationship ends in failure.
Let’s talk about your career and what society has told you about that.
No one told you in school that you could just finish high school and start your own business. Hell no! Every one of your counselors, parents, friend’s parents, and pretty much everyone you had contact with in society told you that you had to go to school, get good grades, go to college, major in something professional, and then you could get a job with great benefits and that’s how you make it in the world. But most of us now understand that life is not a one size fits all mold that we can place every single person in. Each person is a different case that may require different things to become successful in their lives. Maybe you don’t need a college education (and the debt that comes with it) to succeed and be happy in life. No one ever stopped to ask you at a young age what you wanted and even if they did, you can’t possibly know at 16 or 17 what you want to do with the rest of your life.
Now’s your chance to reassess what you actually want from life, not what everyone told you that you would want. A bunch of us followed the advice we were given from people at a young age and now we are stuck in careers we don’t like. People try to discourage you from changing jobs because “it looks bad to new employers if you change jobs.” Something that’s going to negatively impact your career worse than changing jobs is staying in a job you hate. If you talk to other employees or potential future employers about your job that your are clearly dissatisfied in, they will be able to sense that and it will be less inclined to trust you because you are living a lie, working at a job you hate.
There’s so much more packed into this episode that I can’t even get it all written down here. I highly recommend you listen to the episode either via Simplecast, our host site, or using the Youtube link below!
Check out this podcast episode on any of the platforms listed below! Give it a listen, like, and share! Be sure to leave a comment if you found something particularly interesting that you would like to discuss further. Please feel free to reach out with any comments, questions, or feedback about this podcast episode Thanks for tuning in!
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A brief introduction to this podcast episode:
In this episode you will learn: how to level the fuck up in all aspects of your life, the biggest reason why you’re still single, how the core values and beliefs you’re not even aware you have are fucking you up, and so much more. Key highlights and timestamps in this podcast are as follows:
How Technology is really fucking you up bro 3:56
How societal norms are fucking with your relationships whether you realize it or not 6:14
How what you learned as a toddler is fucking with your current situation 6:55
How the core beliefs and values you don’t even know you have are causing negative cycles in your current lifestyle. and trauma experiences 7:55
Inherent Beliefs = Baggage Example 8:42
Why your excuse “I’m just lost” is total bullshit 9:44
A big reason why you’re still single 10:00
Transactional vs transformational relationships 10:45
Your homework motherfuckers 12:04
The real truth behind the process of growing and learning in entrepreneurship and how to get started building your side income 13:40
Why your excuse “I’m too old” is total bullshit 15:13
Is job hopping a mistake? 15:36
Something that could be keeping you from getting your dream job 15:55
The “trick” to finding true happiness and success in your life 16:31
Why your fear of failure is total bullshit 17:22
The biggest thing that’s straight up killing your self-esteem and your progress 17:52
Tips and ideas to help your relationship blossom 22:28
Marriage Goals 24:15
Build Your Fucking Team 24:27
Biggest take home: Have some gratitude for your process and how far you’ve come 28:40
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About the Show Host:
About the Author and Show Host:
Megan James is the Founder of Legacy Lifestyle Coaching, a company dedicated to Lifestyle Design. She has an extensive background in life coaching, business coaching, and career coaching. Megan has designed a life she’s proud of but she’s not planning on stopping there. Now Megan intends to take her skills and knowledge gained through her personal and professional experiences and share them with you! If you like the show, please subscribe! Follow our Socials!